Empathy in Friendships

Written by: Ledell Ong

“All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when lie offers us a series of excursions, long or short, from a secure base” - John Bowlby

A quick Google Search unravels the mystery behind everlasting friendships. It seems simple enough; practise empathy, and you are guaranteed longevity.

At first glance, it might seem like compatibility is all that is needed for a healthy friendship. Conversations never run dry with similar interests and personalities, and the relationship is kept alive. In reality, chemistry does not always suffice. We need mutual caretaking, an attribute that stems from compassion.

Simply put, empathy is the very core of healthy and successful relationships, giving us the foundation to establish genuine bonds. It is a precursor to intimacy and trust, creating a safe space for not just us but also the people around us.

Through numerous studies, British psychologist John Bowlby concluded that the provision of a “secure base” for our friends is what leads to the flourishing of a friendship. More critically, the interchange of this secure base is what makes a healthy friendship.

So how exactly do we incorporate this idea of a secure base into our friendships? Well, Bowlby proposes that empathy and, subsequently, a sense of security can manifest through: helping solve our friend’s problems, soothing them, or simply being present and listening.

Empathy plays an integral role in fostering our friendships, and all of us should aim to practise it in our daily interactions.

References:

Goleman, D. (2006). The Biology of Compassion. In Social Intelligence: The new science of human relationships (pp. 211–222). essay, Bantam Books.